Why the Line For the Girls Bathroom Is Always So Long

The Mute is an annual edition of The Voice with satirical articles in honor of April Fools’ Day.


For all the boys out there wondering what the girls bathroom looks like, you are not missing out. The bathroom is just like yours, with a few exceptions.

When we walk in, we receive a mist of perfume from the attendant. They also offer some mints, but I often refuse the chocolates. A couch sits near the entrance with chairs surrounding it. There is a coffee pot and a hot cocoa station to satisfy any thirsty girls.

Ever wonder why girls’ phones are always charged? It’s because of the phone chargers in the bathroom. There are outlets spread out across the sinks and a dedicated USB port in each stall. A dispenser gives out free samples of James Charles eye shadow pallets and containers of foundation and highlighter.

Did you ever question why only boys fall asleep in class? That’s because the girls bathroom has toilets with pull out bed extensions. It’s pretty basic, though. We have to bring our own pillows. Although, each girl does have a designated cubby for their pillow. The sinks have a default of water, but you can change that by choosing fruit punch, Sprite, or Coke. We don’t have to worry about the soda hurting our teeth, though. There are also dispensers for toothbrushes.

Your fire escape door may be to escape from a fire, but ours leads to an extra lounge area. This lounge has a garden with fresh fruits and vegetables, including watermelon. In the corner of the bathroom, across from the first lounge area, we use a giant green screen as a photo booth. You can take pictures of yourself at the beach or driving a taxi. Next to the photo booth are props like sunglasses and cowboy hats. There is also a 3D printer. We use this mostly to print phone cases of your choice. What’s really enjoyable is the giant karaoke machine–you can name a song and it will play it. It is just like Siri, but better and louder. Do you ever get jealous about how girls do so much better in school and on tests? A tutor is always available near the exit. She seems to have some kind of trick that makes her always have the access to the answer keys to every test.

I know it’s not fancy, but the girls bathroom provides just what we need. Although I’ve never seen the boys bathroom before, I’m sure it is just as nice as ours.